Probation
by Kindled Chime
Summary: After indirectly causing the near breakdown of Yggdrasil, Urd is confined to the Earthly realm... And Keiichi is forced to be her guide. How much fun that must be for him...


_Well in a move of calculated stupidity I have decided to start writing another fic. In the gaps between writing my Evangelion works, finishing the Final Fantasy VII fic (which I will do dammit! I WILL!) like I promised, starting/continuing two original works and fleshing out ideas for a few other fics, as well as the joy that is university work and preparing for an impending webcomic debut I have started this, another work. You might think by reading this that my life is interesting and full of fulfilling work and a joyful pastime writing. If that is the case you are in fact an idiot. All it means is that after I get the chapters finished and posted I feel like an ass until the next one is posted. And seeing as I have so many fics on the run at the same time I feel like an ass pretty much permanently. My friends might say that the reason I feel like an ass is because I **am** an ass. I might tell them to go crawl away and die. This is not the point however. The point right now is that..._

_...I don't own, so please don't sue._

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"Urd, Second Class Goddess, Restricted, Limited License. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"It was an accident! It could have happened to anyone!"

The vaunted marble and onyx ceilings of the courts of heaven were timeless and at the same time ancient. Open aired, they sprawled across the plains of heaven, illuminated by the gently light of a ever-blue sky. Often the inner sanctum of the court, consisting of the high tiers of the judge's seats and the towering columns that held up the Vault of Heaven was empty. There was little use for a court in the Heavens. But there were occasions...

Peorth groaned and covered her eyes. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. She could see the metal crumpling in minute detail. Much as she loved her Far-Sister, Peorth was willing to admit that Urd had a penchant for saying the wrong thing at the worst time possible. It was like she went out of her way to do it. Looking around the packed court wearily she noted the evidence of just such a thing before her.

-_Looks like everyone Urd ever managed to piss off turned up for the show.- _ She thought resignedly. She recognised the Fairie folk on the second row up, and the Daemons behind them. She resisted the urge to cover her face. It wasn't like Urd had been alone when she angered all these people. She and Peorth were best friends as children and still close now. Which meant that Peorth had been with Urd on most of her adventures, despite her dutiful exterior, and was therefore hardly innocent. Fortunately Urd... stood out more and so earned the emnity of the masses with greater ease than Peorth herself. Which didn't stop her feeling sheepish when the young elf to her left looked at her as if he though he should recognize her from somewhere.

Turning away from the multitudes of people that had come to watch Urd's humiliation and trying to tune out the sound of her closest friend's protestations, Peorth turned her attention to the much smaller section of the court being used by Urd's supporters. All seven of them. Her two Near-Sisters Belldandy and Skuld - though Skuld looked like she wanted to be in the other section of the court rather than the one she was in - Urd's mother Hild who looked like she was enjoying herself immensely and four of Urd and Peorth's friends. Ex, Chrono and Ere were all young goddesses that worked with Urd and Peorth in their maintenance of Yggdrasil and had become friends, and Betsu was a young god they both knew from their childhood. He worked in the same section as her now.

It was slightly depressing, but not really surprising that the supporting side was so much smaller then the opposition.

Smiling and returning Belldandy's small wave Peorth turned her attention back to the tiers of the judges. All wise and venerable old gods and goddesses though they looked as youthful as any other... and Urd had managed to pretty much annoy all of them at some point or another. Oranis, known for his great wisdom and love of books and not particularly fond of having hentai magazines mixed into the library stock. It had taken decades to convince the other celestial beings that he wasn't a pervert. Not a fan of Urd therefore. In fact he seemed to have a decidedly feral gleam in his eyes. Urusarine, the youngest goddess amongst the judges and probably not willing to forgive or forget Urd's penchant for using magic to make her hair constantly change colour quite yet. Cleritance, the oldest god on the judges panel and still well known to be fuming over the common knowledge but not quite proven fact that at the banquet celebrating his ascension to the Third Ranks of the celestial beings Urd had replaced all the food with vegetables of an... amusing shape. Peorth bit the inside of her cheek to stop from laughing at that particular memory.

She sighed. The problem with Urd's habit of annoying everyone to some degree or another was that it led to it being impossible to find impartial judges. The raven haired goddess looked higher, above the tiers of the judges to the monolith behind them. The Almighty sat, surrounded by the marble edifice at the base of the largest pillar of all the ones in the Court, Ouranos, the first pillar to hold up the Vault and the one that all others supported. Known by many names, - Sky Father, All Father, Creator, Life Giver - he was always addressed as Almighty. As he always did when in public, the Almighty shifted through guises and faces, the only constant being that the figure was always male. Brown hair, spiked at the front was replaced with long jet black hair, tied in a loose ponytail, changed to a smooth expanse of smooth skin and a long blond queue. Eyes or green, blue, red, grey, black, white and infinite combinations of all stared out onto the court looking...mirthful? Peorth shook her head. Mirth was most certainly not something the Almighty would be feeling in this circumstance. Her attention was stolen abruptly. Hersestis was addressing Urd. As the spokesman for the judges, he acted as their combined voice. He was also the man Urd had run over with Slephnir once.

"Urd as a direct result of your abandoning your post to go to the Outer Realms for a shopping trip," His eye had started to twitch. That wasn't good. "Yggdrasil's mainframe nearly crashed completely. Do you know how much chaos that would have caused? The panic? The horror?" He was getting so worked up he had to sit down. "The MANIA?" Not good at all. All of a sudden Peorth was regretting agreeing to be Urd's advocate. There was no defense! What was she supposed to advocate?

"There was a sale on! It was one day only! How was I supposed to know the mainframe was going to crash!"

"If you had been here doing your job it wouldn't have!"

"ONE DAY ONLY SALE!" Urd's choice of priorities was clear enough. The Almighty stood and stepped down from his seat approaching the tier of judges. Spread out like wings the tier was split in two so that it formed a U shape, encompassing the centre of the court. Half the judges sat on the left and half on the right with the steps to the Almighty's seat set in the middle and separating the two halves. His robes pooled around his feet as he stepped down, before turning into jeans as giant sliver thin frosted fairie wings flapped lazily on his back, morphing into the feathered white wings of an angel as his skin slipped through caucasian to black to oriental to elven to fairie. The Almighty stepped forward and lay a callused/smooth/cut/healed hand on the banister and stared down at his daughter with red/purple/green/yellow eyes.

"You know the seriousness of the charges put before you, Urd. Do you have any defense." Smooth and deep, his voice was one of the few things that didn't change about him. Urd looked panicked momentarily before smiling and reaching inside her already revealing robes, giving Oranis a minor nosebleed, and pulled something out.

"I got you a souvenir while I was gone!" Triumphantly she held up a small good luck talisman in the shape of a cat sitting with one paw raised before it. The court was silent. Mostly. Turning around Peorth watched Ere and Chrono trying to quieten Betsu who was gritting his teeth and trying desperately not to burst into laughter. His long dark hair bounced as he convulsed as silently as possible, tears streaming down his face. Resisting the urge to grin Peorth turned back to the court.

The Almighty had not moved, and appeared to be studying the small figuring in his daughter's hands. Reaching out with his hand he summoned the small porcelain figure to him and Peorth watched as it floated up towards him. He could have merely vaporised the one Urd held and created an exact duplicate in his hand, but this was a gift from his daughter and destroying it was not a thing he would ever do. Settling the figurine in the palm of his ever changing hand he smiled and slipped it into a voluminous sleeve an instant before it disappeared and became a red T-shirt.

"I thank you for the gift daughter." He bowed his head lightly. She grinned impishly. "However, this thoughtful act does not detract from the damage done. Though I know many here would argue for a harsher sentence I choose to use my authority to pass judgement in this matter."

Peorth breathed deeply. In all honest she had expected Urd to be consigned to spending a few centuries as a level four corporeal life form or something similar. The Almighty's intervention might prevent such. He continued.

"It is clear that your transgression, though mostly minor, have built up to unfortunate levels. As such I judge that you shall be given the opportunity to cleanse these... infractions." He was definitely grinning. "You will be consigned to the mortal realm, to Earth, where you work to clear your record daughter." The court was in an uproar. Urd looked stunned.

"Forgive me, Almighty One, but this is unwise. Urd knows nothing of the mortal realms aside from how too shop in them." A vein bulged on Urd's dusky skin. "Sending her down there alone would be disastrous!" Cleritance stood, his shock at the decision obviously outweighing his displeasure with Urd. The Sky Father turned to him and smiled.

"I did not say she would be alone, Cleritance." The younger god blinked.

"You will send someone to babysit her? Who could go with her that knows any more about the mortal realm anyway? Perhaps an Earth Spirit but even they..." The Almighty shook his head, displacing the hundreds of beaded plaits that adorned his blue hair an instant before they became two mossy green pigtails that trailed to his feet.

"No. Who better to guide her in a mortal world than a mortal?" Cleritance gaped. So did Peorth.

"You will reveal the secrets of the gods to a mortal, Almighty One?" Hersestis asked, now as calm as if nothing had happened.

"There is precedent, Speaker." Hersestis smiled.

"There always is, Almighty One. Might I ask if you have someone in mind for such a task?"

"I believe that I know of someone, yes."

"You always do." Oranis murmured through a smile. Peorth suddenly got the feeling that they had been set up. The Judges were smiling, beatifically rather than in the vindictive manner one might have assumed under the circumstances. Something was going on that neither she nor Urd knew about. No one was objecting to the ruling. Well...

"You would consign your daughter to the mortal realm! Have you no heart Almighty One?" Hild had stood up and was addressing the court. The words 'Almighty One' were tinged with sarcasm. She was one of the few who knew the Almighty One's true name, for though she was a demon, she was also one of the All Father's first loves. "I can't believe you'd do that to your own flesh and blood... I'm sure you could find it in your heart to pardon our daughter with a lighter sentence...?" She leaned over coyly, 'accidentally' showing off a plunging neckline and impressive cleavage. Peorth sighed. There was a reason many of the young gods looked forwards to Hild's visit's to Heaven. Oranis' nosebleed worsened. The Almighty turned his attention to his once consort and smiled.

"No doubt I could, Hild. But not all things go to plan as we would like them." If Peorth strained she could hear a peculiar emphasis on the word 'plan'. Hild blinked.

"Oh." Her face relaxed into a fond smile as she regarded first her lover and then her daughter. "No I don't suppose it does." Settling back down calmly, she waved cheerily at a shell-shocked Urd. "Have fun on Earth sweety!" Urd face faulted.

"That's all you can say?" Her eyes had narrowed to slits and the vein bulged exponentially. Hild giggled.

"Daughter, it is decided. You will be sent to Earth until such a time has been reached that your record has been expunged. Your advocate will take you. Your powers will be placed under a level three seal and your license as an active Goddess temporarily revoked."

-_Only a level three? That means she can still perform most basic magics. The only effect revoking her licence has is ensuring that she doesn't access any celestial springs of power. Why is he still leaving her with her magic?-_ Peorth was shocked and it seemed she was not alone. Belldandy was gaping, though Skuld seemed exuberant at the prospect.

-_What is going on?-_

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"Right. That look's like the last of it." Keiichi Morisato sighed and brushed his hands together after squatting down to deposit the last box of books, papers, small bike parts and miscellaneous other paraphernalia on the tatami floor of his new dorm room.

"About time! Honestly Kei, I can't believe you have this much stuff! And this place is even smaller than your last one! There's no way you can fit all this stuff in here." Keiichi hang his head and sighed. Much as he hated to admit it his little sister Megumi did have a point. His last room, which had been independently rented rather than a dorm, had been a six tatami room. This one was smaller and probably wouldn't accommodate all the 'junk' he had accumulated. At least his sister believed it to be junk. Contrary to what she thought he was intimately attached to all the items in the room. Even the... thing sitting one top of the pile in the latest box: even if he had never seen it before and had no idea what it did he was attached to it in a way his sister couldn't understand.

"Okay bro, now I've helped you move your crap you're taking me out for lunch. It's the least you could do." Kei twitched mildly. He had expected this but honestly hoping to avoid having to re-imburse his younger sibling for her assistance. However he was saving a bit of money on rent seeing as his new home was both a rented dorm (so he was paying an already reduced rate) but was smaller as well. He couldn't really muster the strength to begrudge his sister lunch on financial grounds. That didn't mean he didn't begrudge her lunch... just not for that particular reason. There were plenty more he could fall back on.

"Er, I'd love to Megu but-" His sister adroitly interrupted him, in a fashion she had perfected over the years.

"Then lets go!" Kei sighed and began to climb over the numerous boxes that covered his floor in a bid to reach the door. They had started strategically placing the boxes so that this wouldn't happen, but somehow Kei had ended up on the opposite side of his minute room to the door, leaving him scrambling and hopping over his hauled belongings to the entrance. He noted grimly that Megumi was standing right next to his open door.

Having extricated himself from the newly built maze he moved into the hallway, snagging his jacket off the top of a cardboard box and quickly checking the pockets to be sure he had his wallet and keys. Finding both he slipped the garment on set off for the front entrance, Megumi at his side.

When he had started at Nekomi Tech last year he had been forced to live in privately rented accommodation since a mix up with his application had resulted in the university neglecting to assign him housing. This year he had made sure there was no mistakes. He had run himself ragged last year working two part time jobs to pay the rent, as well as university assignments. With a bit of luck he could drop one of those jobs now and have a bit of spare time to himself. He passed a bare bike frame in the middle of the hallway outside Tamiya's room and sighed. More than likely his sempai's would eat up what time he did have by making him the dorm mechanic. Last year something similar had happened, resulting in most of Nekomi Tech using him as an impromptu bike technician and specialist. Normally he wouldn't mind. It was his hobby after all, but when it came down to people like Tamiya and Otaki blind side him into putting together a race bike in two days or fixing their rigs when they have other 'work' to be doing it had started wearing him down.

Moving into dorms with the rest of the Motor Club, something Otaki had apparently arranged with some friend of his at administration, would only make his position official. Kei was busy weeping silent tears when his sister interrupted his bitter introspection.

"I can't believe you moved into an all guy dorm, Kei."

_- Neither can I. - _Keiichi thought, feeling the twitch reappear. He was really going to have to remember to 'thank' Otaki. A spanner to the head might show his appreciation appropriately.

"It's not like you have any luck with women anyway, but it would be nice to see you at least _trying_." The young man slammed into the floor loudly, before dragging himself up from his face-fault and glaring at his sister.

"Hey! It's not like you have a boyfriend anyway so keep the commentary to yourself." Megumi returned the glare.

"At least I've had a boyfriend before. We can't say the same for you with a girl can we, bro?" She smirked at his changing colour. He had started off pale but was now nearly incandescent. He snorted in faint derision.

"Ha, you mean Tsuba? The man with the mind of a chimp? I'd prefer to be single than to date someone with an IQ lower than their shoe size." Megumi felt herself flush. Admittedly Tsuba hadn't been intellectually gifted but that wasn't he point. Anything was better than nothing after all.

"Anything's better than nothing, bro. Not that you'd know."

"Better to date nothing than an intellectual brick." Both siblings grunted and turned away from each other staring at opposing walls of the corridor, leading to them both tripping over the pile of boxes in the hallway and landing face first on the hard wooden floor.

"Itai..." Kei dragged himself to his feet, largely ignoring his little sister's repeated groans of pain. The boxes contained bike parts, which seemed to fit the naked frame Tamiya had outside his room.

_- Must be Otaki's stuff then... -_

"Hey, there dudes!" Keiichi sighed and turned around, noting the swirly pattern in his diminutive sister's eyes. She'd be down for a bit longer it seemed. The man towering over him wore small black shades and had slicked up blonde hair that added an extra foot to his fight. Two small spark plugs dangled from his ears and a manic grin adorned his face. Keiichi suddenly felt like backing away in fear. "Morisato, buddy! Just the man I wanted to see dude!" The smaller male gave in to his desire and began to edge backwards, lifting his hands in an attempt to placate his sempai.

"Er... it'll have to wait Otaki... I need to take my sister out to lunch to say thanks for helping me move." Not hearing an agreement from Megumi, he glanced at her quickly, finding her still on the floor. A little 'nudge' with his foot caught her attention admirably.

"Hey, you ass! That hurt! What the hell-" Keiichi grabbed the girl around the shoulders and spun her in place so that she was facing the older male and he was behind her, making her a human shield.

"See Otaki? I did promise to take her to lunch so that's what I'm gonna do! Well so sorry need to go bye!" Slowly frog marching Megumi down the corridor and away from a confused sempai Kei made sure most of his body was behind his sister, attempting to use her as some kind of talisman to ward off the seniors of the Motor Club and the insanity they would bring. Swiftly turning a right angle at the stairs he jerked Megumi along with him, almost sending her flying in the process. As soon as they were out of sight he relaxed and let his meat shield go free. His sister glared at him for kicking her.

"You need to get out more Kei. You're too highly stung." The male Morisato snorted. The notion of going out in free time had long since shriveled up and died. Most of the time if he managed to leave the dorms successfully to go to lunch he considered it a monumental victory.

Navigating their way through the miscellaneous bits of junk and other boxes in the thin hallway the two made it to the front entrance and stepped out through the wedged open door into the sunlight. Keiichi saw the gate of the dorm... and freedom from his sempai's. As they walked towards the exit over the wide path set over the cracked flagstones that made up the small front yard of the building, Kei founds his legs moving faster and faster so that Megumi had to speed up as well to keep up with him. The gateway was closer... closer...closer... being blocked by Tamiya. Kei slammed into his sempai's wide chest and bounced backwards, only to feel Tamiya's iron grip clamping down on his shoulder and stopping his fall whilst at the same time holding him in place.

"Morisato! Just the man I needed to see!" Keiichi groaned.

"I'd love to help you out Tamiya with whatever it is but I promised Megumi that - "

"Ah, sister of Morisato! It's a good thing you're here. It saves me telling Morisato to tell you." Kei drooped.

"Eh?" Absent mindedly crushing the young man into a one armed hug and nearly shattering his ribs in the process Tamiya turned his attention to Megumi.

"There's a race coming up in two weeks time, but we need a female representative and Hasegawa has a sprained ankle. It would be of great honour to us if you would compete in our name. For the glory of Nekomi Tech's Motor Club!" Twin waterfalls of stoic tears had sprung forth somewhere during the conversation and Megumi was rapidly reminded of why she never dealt with any of her brother's sempai's if she could help it. A sweatdrop appeared on her forehead as she backed away, trying not to get caught in Tamiya's exuberance.

"Tamiya buddy!" Oh crap, here came the other one.

"Otaki!" Suddenly the two of them were hugging and weeping loudly in each other's arms, crushing her brother between the two of them. From what Megumi could see he was turning purple. Watching the two grown men bawling together and incidentally murdering her sibling in the process, she was somehow not surprised that the three of them were single.

"O-Of course I'll race for you guys..." She knew she was going to regret this. At her words the two men separated letting her brother drop free of their accidental embrace and collapse, oxygen starved, onto the floor.

"You mean it sister of Morisato?"

"You'd do that for us?"

"Er... yeah... is he ok-"

"We're saved dude! We don't have to back out!"

"Now we can move forward! For the honour of the Motor Club!" Keiichi, who had managed to drag himself to his feet - dazed and stumbling back and forth a little - was just in time to get caught in the next attack of bawling both men suffered from, crushing his fragile, fragile bones once again. Megumi winced.

"We must prepare, Tamiya!"

"You speak the truth my comrade!" The two men sprung apart, slammed their hands together in a high five and sprinted in different directions, leaving a mangled Keiichi standing on the pathway, swaying gently in the breeze.

"Er.. bro... you ok?" Megumi reached out to poke her brother, trying to snap him out of his daze. Before she could touch however him he collapsed onto his back in a flawlessly pendular motion, now staring at the sky listlessly. Megumi, who had jumped away a little in surprise at the sight, relaxed and approached once again. She repeated her question and nudged her apparently comatose brother with the toe of her boot. After a while with no response she shrugged and gave up.

"Oh well we'll take a rain check on that lunch then bro. Later."

"...so much crying... why is there always crying mommy?..."

* * *

"I can't believe they stuck me with taking calls again." Keiichi sighed, lazily flicking through a newspaper that was three days old, poised like a hawk over the dorm's communal phone in case anyone should call. After his two sempai's had returned and dragged the remains of his body back into the dorm and set him up in front of the phone and instructions to take any calls that came and take messages, while the rest of the dorm was out on 'business'. "First time I heard 'going drinking' called 'business'." He muttered in faint irritation. Resting his head on the cool wood of the table in front of him he suddenly felt his stomach rumbling loudly. He hadn't eaten all day and the only meal he had managed to sneak in yesterday was a small cup ramen. The only reason he had been reluctant to go to lunch with Megumi was because he knew she would take advantage of his generosity and order half the menu.

"Need food... Need food now..." Heeding the call of his stomach Kei floated through the hallway to the communal kitchen area and proceeded to ransack the fridges. Three tall white monoliths of food storage, enough for the occupants of the dorm on this level and the one above, with another two on the top level for the last few tenants. Their siren song called to Keiichi as he floated closer, his arms outstretched to welcome the nutritional goodness within. A door was opened to access the marble white shining interior... which was totally devoid of food.

"Huh?" Blurring slightly Kei flashed to the next fridge, choking back a scream when he found the same result. On the third he didn't bother to hold back the screaming. Falling to his knees in despair, the young man collapsed backwards leaving him in a rather uncomfortable position. But the discomfort was easily discarded in favour of listening to his stomach's loud and pained growls. "Why do you mock me gods? What did I do to deserve this fate? Why are you so cruel to me?" And so the waterfalls of tears began anew.

Abruptly Kei's eyes snapped open, dispelling the tears immediately.

"Of course!" With whippet like reflexes the youth sprang up and bounced into a low running position before sprinting for the stairs, screaming all the way. Pushing himself to the limit he leapt huge boxes in single bounds, avoided the traps of slippery newspapers on the floor and ran up the sides of walls on the corners to avoid actually having to slow down before reaching the stairwell. Proceeding to kick the door open - and heedlessly noticing that one of the hinges was splintered from the force used - he pumped his limbs and took the stairs two at a time, dust, dirt and small rodents caught up in the wake of his passage. Reaching the second floor he doubled back and continued his sprint, ignoring the very real possibility that his strained muscles were going to spring away from his bones and fly off in all directions under the stress.

Finally reaching the third and final floor his vision narrowed to a tunnel, focused on the small kitchenette at the end of the hallway. He went for it. With a series of minuscule bangs to signify his success in breaking the sound barrier Keiichi ran for the two remaining fridges and the contents they _must_ have within. In the space of a heartbeat he was outside the first fridge, frothing at the mouth. The open door and clinical light within only illuminated bare shelves. Kei felt himself freezing in horror, before shattering into a million shards of despair and crumbling to the ground. A red rimmed, mildly insane, eye rolled to gaze balefully at the last fridge. Smaller than it's brethren, nonetheless if by chance it contained food fit for consumption than Keiichi would have it elevated to the status of God. Dragging himself off the floor, Kei ripped the door off the fridge in his zeal, sending it sailing out the window and into the street below, it's brief and somewhat liberating flight ending rather abruptly on top of a car, damaging all parties concerned.

His eyes hungrily devoured the shelves, looking for something, anything to eat. All that met his eyes was a box of tea.

His roar of rage and hunger echoed through the prefecture.

Finally spent from screaming the young starved man allowed himself to flop onto the floor into a vaguely Morisato shaped puddle.

"Why would they even put tea in a fridge..." Sighing and working on the principle that something was better than nothing - something he felt worked only in regards to relationships and sempai's - he grabbed the box of tea and slouched his way to the door. Reading the packaging of the tea out of absolute boredom Kei's ears twitched slightly, picking up a far distant sound.

Ringing...

"DAMMIT!" Breaking into a sprint once again Kei sped though the corridor and down the stairs praying for the phone to keep ringing.

-_Don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up, don't hang up -_ And then he tripped. Tumbling down the last two flights of stairs, clutching the tea to his chest protectively he blurred round the corners and slammed off the walls of the landing, ricocheting down the last stairs and rolling through the corridor like a demented screaming bowling ball. Part way through his tumble he regained his feet and kept running, taking the upcoming corner at full speed by running up the wall, over the ceiling and down the other side. The phone was in sight, sitting

on the small kotatsu table on the corner of the room he had made his base camp on. Whipping through the door Kei threw the tea to one side, confident it would survive impact, and dove for the phone. Fingers outstretched he soared through the air, over the low table and snagged the phone before slamming into the hard unforgiving wall beyond.

"Hello?" His voice come out kind of weakly seeing as the impact had helpfully forced all the air out of his lungs, but it didn't really matter seeing as the dial tone was all that greeted him. He collapsed onto his back, sighing and finally beginning to pay attention to the fact that he might be seriously injured from his fall. Then he winced when he remembered throwing the fridge door through the window.

-_That's not gonna be good...-_ Rolling over and trying to disregard the tortured screams of his body, he inched his way to the kettle in the corner. Flicking it on with his nose he began the trek to fetch the tea from the corner he had thrown it into earlier.

A few minutes later he was sipping his warm tea and flicking through the same three-day old paper he had started with. His stomach rumbled again, and he wilted.

"Uhhhhh... I didn't want to order out in case I missed a call... and because I costs... but I don't have any choice! I'm dying here! I think my stomachs trying to eat my spleen!" Fortunately either Otaki or Tamiya had put most of the local take outs on speed dial. Just as well, seeing as he didn't think he had the strength to look for the menus. Hitting the speed dial button he waited patiently for the pick up.

"­_Hello? Shenmue's Takeaway, how can I help you?"_

"Er, hi, I'd like to order an number three combo special and a-" The young man was cut off by the blizzard of rose petal that suddenly erupted right next to the table. Yelling in shock and throwing his free hand up too shield his face, his palm found resistance. Soft, springy resistance. The rose petal dissipated, coating the floor with red and revealed two women. Both looked foreign with strange markings on their faces and strange clothes. One was glaring at him fiercely, vibrant green eyes pinioning him.

"Do you plan to feel me up all day?" Suddenly realised what the soft, springy resistance was. Shrieking loudly Keiichi leapt backwards over the kotatsu and slammed into the floor, trying to scuttle away on all fours and get away from his new 'guests'. he could hear the small tinny voice of the man from the takeaway over the phone he still held. The other woman, with raven fair and amused eyes stepped over the table and snagged the phone. Lifting it to her face she looked at it inquisitively before tentatively putting it to her ear and speaking.

"I'm sorry, Mr Morisato cannot come to the phone right now. He's having a crisis of faith. Later!" Hesitantly pressing the 'Call' button she hung up the phone and tossed it back into Keiichi's lap. Stepping closer she knelt in front of the young man and smiled a little wryly. The other woman snorted and turned away. Sighing a little the first woman reached out and grabbed the angry one's hand and dragged her down next to her, ignoring the indignant sqwuak she got as a response.

"Good evening Mr Morisato. My name is Peorth and this is my Far-Sister Urd." Kei twitched. She took that as an indication to continue. "This might take a while..."

* * *

Keiichi sat on the floor with his legs crossed and stared blankly at the two women. 

"Let me get this straight... you're both Goddesses?" Both women nodded, the one named Urd a little more defiantly than her companion. "And you got kicked out of Heaven?" He asked, indicating Urd. A vein popped out on her head. Peorth nodded. "And I have to guide her while she's exiled to Earth, to make sure she doesn't do anything outrageously stupid?" Peorth nodded again. Urd scowled but remained silent. "And you realize just how much a load of crap this sounds?" This time Urd nodded vigorously and Peorth sighed.

"I understand that this is a lot to take in, Mr Morisato, but it is the truth. My Far-Sister here has been known to commit small infractions in the law. As such she has to spend some time on Earth until her record is clean. Once it is she will return to the Heaven's."

"You expect me to believe that you're both Goddesses? No offense, but she hardly looks like Goddess material." He dryly studied Urd, who in boredom was examining the newspaper upside down. At his comment she snarled at him, but was silenced before she could speak.

"I realize that too." Urd growled. "But still it is the truth. What else could it be?" Kei thought for a brief second before realising exactly what else it could be. His eyes narrowed.

"Probably something Tamiya and Otaki set up... They know I don't have any luck with women so they come up with some weird story and throw two gorgeous girls in the room with me... Goddesses, ha! That sounds like the kind of thing they'd thing of..." He muttered quietly, not realising he was speaking out loud. The two women looked at each other, both feeling the urge to blush at his blunt appraisal.

"Um... why would your... friends?... do such a thing to you?" Kei froze realising that he had spoken out loud, then sighed and shrugged, not seeing much point in hiding it.

"Yeah, like you really can't tell." Peorth blinked.

"I really can't." She confessed. He wasn't her type but he was cute enough, his short cut black hair naturally spiking and making him look boyishly appealing. He sighed again, but louder.

"Fine. Stand up." Both women did as he asked and watched as he did the same. Stepping up to them he stopped. "There. As you can see I am incredibly short." Urd snorted.

"You think that's stopping you getting a girlfriend? I think it's more to do with the fact you're a complete dweeb." She collapsed back into her place on the floor and glowered at him. "I can't believe I have to stay on Earth with this dork! Being stuck as a non-corporeal would be better!"

"Hey! You ain't perfect either!" Peorth once again intervened before any serious fighting could ensue. Kei shrugged off Urd's glare and turned back to 'the sane one'. "Look I still don't buy this Goddess thing." Peorth nodded and scanned the room. Noticing the kettle and tea she smiled and gestured, chanting softly under her breath. Abruptly a small typhoon erupted in the cup sitting next to the tea, filling it with a green liquid. After a few seconds the cup was full and another gesture brought it floating to hover in front of the stunned young man's face.

"Ok...I'm beginning to buy it." Gingerly taking the floating cup he sat back down slowly. He knew that sooner or later the panic would set in, but right now he was in a place of serenity. Might as well ride out the insanity. "Ok...So, Goddesses then? Fine, well assuming that's true I need to tell ya I ain't the guy for the job." He grinned weakly. "I don't have time to help anyone get back into Heaven! I've got work and University and I definitely don't have enough room for her to live with me, even if she could!"

Peorth shrugged.

"None of that should be a problem. The Ultimate Force won't allow you to be separated." Confusion set in.

"The what-now?"

Urd spoke up, her irritation with the situation plain and clear.

"The Ultimate Force. The edict of the Heavens has bound me to you and I can't leave. Neither of us have a choice in this." Kei blanched and felt faint. Shaking it off he addressed Peorth.

"So what does she have to do to get back into Heaven?" The raven haired Goddess shrugged lightly.

"Nothing much. A few good deeds and enough time without clocking up any more black marks on her record should do the trick. She'll be her a few months tops."

"A few months? She can't live with me for a few months! She can't even live with me now! This is an all boys dorm!" Urd snorted.

"No wonder you're single." Keiichi ignored her.

"There's just no way this will work out." Peorth began to look pensive. If that was really the case then was this such a good idea? Urd could be difficult to get along with and the mortal seemed to have more than enough problems already. As she opened her mouth to speak however the sound of a door being slid open echoed through the dorm. Keiichi realised he had now passed into the stage of panic he was due for.

"Aw crap, their back already!" Peorth shook her head and stood.

"There is nothing that can be done immediately. I will return to the Heavens and attempt to appeal on your behalves. But for now the situation is as it stands. I'll be as fast as I can." With that said the whirlwind of rose blossoms began again and once it was settled she was gone, leaving Keiichi and Urd alone. They both looked at each other, and while Kei was still in the middle of his brain gently frying he could still see that Urd was indeed stunningly attractive as he had said. Dusky brown skin and vibrant green eyes, framed by long silver hair certainly made her unique, but it also made her gorgeous. Even the small blue triangles that adorned her face on her forehead and on her cheek bones only added to her allure. If Kei wasn't so busy being terrified he would have been extremely attracted to her. Before either could say anything however Tamiya entered the room, the rest of the Motor Club at his back.

"Morisato! Do I have any messages? Urk!" He stopped suddenly, leaving the rest of the dorms occupants to slam into his broad back, with only Otaki tall enough to see what the problem was. After a few seconds of stunned silence, the flames of righteous indignation sprung up in both Tamiya's eyes - and assumedly Otaki's too though with the shades it was hard to tell.

"MORISATO! You have broken one of the sacred rules of the dormitory! This cannot be forgiven!" Kei scrambled back away form his two approaching sempai's, who suddenly seemed to fill the room. Urd was bemused and stunned by the scene.

"Eh?"

"How could you betray us so Morisato!" Tamiya had grabbed Keiichi lifted him across his shoulders and was now doing squat thrusts and rythmically maiming the younger man. Otaki meanwhile was winding up the crowd behind them both.

"He broke the rules men! You know what we have to do!" The rest of the group roared agreement and surged forwards taking Urd by surprise. Kei was still too busy being lost in a world of pain to notice. The crowd of men swept Urd up and none to gently deposited her in Keiichi's lap, then lifted them both up onto their shoulders, swiftly exiting the room. As they roared through the corridors clothes and a rucksack appeared next to them, though Urd was too busy clinging to the young man on whose lap she was precariously positioned, trying to prevent herself from falling into the sea of humanity below, to really notice. All to suddenly they were roughly deposited outside on the doorstep of the dorm, the silver haired Goddess still in Keiichi's lap. The now full rucksack was set down next to them by Tamiya.

"There are your supplies Morisato! Call us when you find a place and we'll ship the rest of your stuff." The door slammed behind them and all of a sudden it was silent. Keiichi sighed and say up, gently shifting Urd out of his lap so that she sat on the step and standing up to check what his ex-house mates had given him in the way of supplies. Digging through his bag he found his coat stuffed on top. Dragging it out he rifled through the pockets and found his keys and wallet. Feeling the chill of the wind he quickly slipped the leather coat on and continued to sift thorough the rucksack, surprised to find the tea he had been drinking deposited just under the jacket. Abruptly though he turned to check on Urd. Still sat on the step she was staring out into the city, seemingly entranced by the flickering street lights. She was also shivering. It wasn't surprising, her outfit was revealing to say the least and offered little protection from the cold. Regarding her silently, he sighed internally and shrugged the coat back off. Removing the keys and wallet and draped the garment across the shoulders of the Goddess startling her out of her introspection. She looked up at him curiously.

"It's cold out." Turning away he shouldered the pack and set off. "I know a few guys who might be able to let us stay at their place for the night. I can look for a new place to live tomorrow. It's a good thing the semester hasn't started yet..." He trailed off. Urd watched him go, before standing and following after him. Realising that is was cold she slipped the coat on properly and tugged in close about herself. She could try to replicate some more suitable clothing but that was precision work and not something she was ever any good at. The jacket smelt a little of the mortal... but it wasn't unpleasant. Snuggling into the material she sped up her steps a little to walk beside the young man.

They walked in silence for a time.

"...What kind of guy is 21 years old and has never had a girlfriend?"

"What kind of Goddess gets kicked out of Heaven?"

"Dweeb."

"Moron."

"Dork!"

"Dumbass!"

* * *

Setsuya Toyotoshi, 22 years old, member of the Nekomi Tech Motor Club and officially the most unlucky man in Japan walked up the stairs to his dorm room next Tamiya and trailed by Otaki and a few others. There had not been a day in his life when something hadn't gone wrong. While most people waited for the other shoe to drop he knew that as far as he was concerned both shoes dropped at the same time. Most often on his face. So far today had been peaceful and uneventful. Which meant something bad had to happen seeing as the day was almost over. He was snapped out of his introspection by the words of someone behind him.

"Shame about Morisato. We lost a good man today, boys." They all nodded.

"Well, he broke the rules and we gave him enough stuff to get by until he finds a place. What more could we have done?" Again there was murmurs of agreement.

"...She was hot though." Slightly louder murmurs of agreement rose.

"...How did a guy like Morisato get her?" Slightly irritated murmurs of confusion filled the stairway.

"Damn him." Loud agreement was heard and the matter set to rest. Otaki spoke to Setsuya in front of him.

"Hey dude, how's your day been?" The other's paid attention. Hearing about Setsuya's days were always amusing. Setsuya shrugged.

"Nothing so far." Tamiya laughed as they exited the stairwell and moved into the corridor, heading for the kitchen. At the entrance he slapped Setsuya on the back.

"Well maybe nothing will happen to you today, eh Toyotoshi?"

* * *

The impromptu shouting match had tapered off a few minutes ago and Keiichi was strapping the rucksack to the back of his bike. Satisfied it was safely secured he began to wheel the bike and sidecar out of the garage it sat in, under the watchful eyes of a curious Urd.­

Reaching into the sidecar he pulled out a helmet and tossed it to the waiting deity. Surprised, Urd still managed to catch the helmet and began examining it, when she saw Keiichi kneel down next to the sidecar. Startled to hear him swearing mildly, she watched as he stood up and undid the straps securing the rucksack to the back of the bike. After he had freed it he deposited it in the sidecar and turned back to Urd.

"The sidecar connection is a bit weak. It'll probably hold for the weight of the rucksack but I don't think risking you riding in it is a good idea." Urd was confused.

"Ride? Ride what?" Before Kei could explain what he meant screams from behind him stole his attention.

"_Sweet mother of God, what happened to my fridge? That was the fridge I brought from home!"_ Keiichi winced. "_And the tea I was given by my grandmother is gone! Why would someone rip the door off my fridge and then take my tea?"_ Keiichi winced again. "_By all that's holy, they threw my fridge door out the window! Why, just why!"_ Keiichi slowly brought a hand up to cover his face. "_THEY THREW THE FRIDGE DOOR ONTO MY CAR! IN KAMI'S NAME WHY! I JUST HAD THAT CAR FIXED UP! WHY IS MY FRIDGE DOOR EMBEDDED IN MY CAR'S ROOF!"_ Keiichi felt like crying. "_And now I've slipped and fallen over and can't get back up! Why has it all gone so wrong!"_ Kei straightened abruptly, startling Urd who had begun to think that something was seriously wrong with her new traveling companion.

"Just... just climb on the bike, ok Urd? Like this." He demonstrated then indicated that she should do the same behind him. Unsteadily she complied, noting that it was a bit like riding Slephnir. She watched as the man in front of her slipped his helmet on and mimicked him. "Hold on to me ok?" Unhappy with the idea but assuming that it was indeed like riding a horse, Urd complied. Once he felt Urd settled comfortably Kei started the bike and guided them slowly out into the road before hitting the gas.

Urd felt the acceleration and found herself grinning as the landscape sped by beside her. This, she could get used to.

* * *

The Almighty grinned as the picture before him showed his daughter and the mortal on his motorcycle. All was working out perfectly. He could leave them to their own devices for a while it seemed. As for now though...

"Popcorn, Hild?" The dusky skinned demon sighed and stepped out of the shadows into the centre of the chryselephantine room. Staring at the small bag of popcorn that was being offered her, she shrugged and smiled, taking a few pieces and popping them in her mouth.

"I never could sneak up on you, _Almighty One_." She grinned at his slight wince.

"I asked you never to call me that Hild..." She laughed. He had told her his real name once and asked her to never call him anything but that. She had agreed. But she was a demon after all and teasing was allowed.

"I'm sorry... you know how much I love to tease you." He grinned at her. Unlike when he was in public here his form was constant. Taller than she by a few inches, his hair was dark and tied so that trailed over his robes and down his back. His eyes were a colour there was no name for. She smiled at him.

"So how is our daughter doing?" She snagged a few more pieces of popcorn. The man before her turned back to the image floating before them and gestured.

"It's gone well thus far." Hild examined the picture of her daughter and the youth, adjusting it so that she had a better view of the young man.

"He's cute." She slitted her eyes and threw a glance at the figure at her side. He merely grinned. It would take more than that to make him jealous. She sighed. He always was a difficult nut to crack... but it was fun trying. "So he's the one, huh? Not who I would have expected." The man called All Father shrugged.

"It very rarely is." Hild looked at him again, wondering what he had meant by that. His attention was not on her though, but a smile was tugging at his lips. Suddenly he turned to her, a remote control in his hand. "This thing has picture-in-picture you know. You still a Super Bowl fan?" She grinned as the scene with her daughter shrank and was deposited in the corner of the screen, replaced by a picture of a man attempting to maim another man in pursuit of a poorly formed ball. Hild laughed and sank into the couch that wasn't behind her an instant ago. He had never let her fall.

"Which one is it?" He sat next to her, holding the popcorn on his far side so she'd have to lean across him to reach it, settling himself in before answering.

"The one in 2034." She giggled and leant across him for some popcorn, waiting for his arm to snake around her and keep her there. She wasn't disappointed. Snuggling into his warm robes she murmured to herself.

"Benefits of being the _Almighty_, eh?" He pinched her.

* * *

_Well there's chapter one. Updates for this will be infrequent sadly, but they will happen. I thought it was time for a change in Oh! My Goddess fanfiction. I realize the pairing might have some of you up in arms... but I don't much care. Read if you like, don't if you don't. It's basic stuff. I'm open to criticism and help. Flames are pointless really but if it makes you feel better to have people hear you whine go ahead. On point though. If you do have a point to make please make it specific. If you think someone's OOC tell me why and what can be done about it. Not 'Keiichi's OOC. You are the suxors'. That doesn't really help. I hope you enjoyed this chap and look forward to the next. _

_Ja ne all!_


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